Lost and Found Family

Lost and Found Family

I lost my “traditional” notion of family when I was doing my ministerial training in a church in Washington, D.C., while I was in seminary. One of the many African-American youth in the congregation—a young teenage girl—who came to worship every Sunday with her grandmother, started to complain that her stomach hurt. I would sit with her during worship and escort her to the bathroom when she needed. A few months later her school nurse confirmed that she was pregnant.

She was 13 years old, and she had been sexually molested by her mother’s boyfriend. Throughout her pregnancy I had permission to pick her up at her junior high school and drive her to the various appointments with her doctor, social worker, and court-appointed attorney. During these visits I would sit in the lobby or waiting room where I was usually the only white person present. Glancing around the room at the other pregnant girls, I once noticed one of the accompanying grandmothers nod and give me a knowing look. We were all trying to support to the best of our ability some pretty tragic situations.

After the birth, my young mother and her baby resided in a home for young single mothers that was operated by an order of Catholic nuns. The home was in fact a former nunnery, and each mother had her own spacious room, communal meals, and child care services while she continued to go to school during the day.

The church organized a joint baby shower for this mother and child and for two other babies in the congregation: one born to an older teenager who was single and had a supportive family, and one adopted by a married couple who were middle-aged professionals and did not have children. Members of the church showered each of these families with love as well as presents, and the parents were given a scrapbook filled with words of wisdom.

I was in charge of a party game for this baby shower. We sat in a circle and each person was given—secretly—the name of a familiar Bible character. Then we all got up to mingle and introduce ourselves—without saying our character’s name—by telling our stories, that is, our Biblical stories, in order to find our next of kin. Abraham and Sarah, both nonagenarians, found their son Isaac. Jacob found the sisters Leah and Rachel who became his wives. The daughter of Pharaoh found Moses. Naomi found her daughters-in-law Ruth and Orpah. Mary, young and unmarried, found Jesus, and Jesus also found his adoptive father Joseph. The prodigal father found both his prodigal son and his unwelcoming elder son.

And we found that none of these Biblical families was any more “traditional” than the families we honored that day.