Rape Dreams

Rape Dreams

I once heard a sexologist—now there’s an occupation to write down on your immigration form—explain why people dream about being raped. I was 34 years old and listening to the radio as I drove to a sex therapy appointment, which for any of you prurient readers was very similar to other enlightening counseling sessions I have benefited from only it focused on my non-existent sex life.

This sex expert was being interviewed on public radio, and she said that rape dreams are the psyche’s way of making us jump through hoops in order to experience pleasure. We can’t just enjoy the moment, or the climax; we have to pass through shame and guilt and whatever other uncomfortable emotions our subconscious throws up at us.

Interesting, I recall thinking at the time, especially given that I had never had a rape dream, or at least not one that I remembered. Which might have indicated how repressed I was.

Coming to terms with things, like sexuality and such, in my mid-30’s had its benefits. I was tired enough of wading through my genetically-inherited anxiety, which doesn’t just run in my family—it races. I simply vowed to myself then and there not to feel guilty about God’s gift of sexuality. Never have since, and never will.

Augustine, the one who fulfilled the adage, “Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future,” would’ve made a prime candidate for sex therapy. As it happens he never worked through his shame or guilt. After abandoning his partner of many years and the child they had together, he plagued Christendom with a recurring nightmare: the Doctrine of Original Sin, which he attributed to females—the sin, that is, not the doctrine. The doctrine is 100% man-made.

Providentially, these days there’s a helpful 12-step organization for people such as Augustine who find themselves addicted to sex or obsessed with sexual issues. Like Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous, its full name is Sex-addicts Anonymous. But there’s still so much stigma attached to sexuality that many SA groups publicize their meetings as a gathering of “the Saint Augustine society.”

If we need hoops to jump through, let it be these:

Serenity to accept the fact of life that our sexuality is a gift from God.

Courage to change any unhealthy attitudes about our God-given, uniquely-made, widely-varied human bodies, sexual orientations, recreational practices, and means of biological reproduction.

Wisdom to seek professional help when we’re tired of the same old bad dreams.